As a parent, receiving an autism diagnosis for your child can feel overwhelming. You may have walked out of that appointment with more questions than answers, weighed down by uncertainty or even fear about the future.
But what if, instead of seeing autism as something to “fix,” we affirmed the intrinsic value of our children and supported them in discovering their unique path?
In our latest episode of Autism: A New Perspective, Dr. Rachelle Sheely, president of RDIconnect®, joins host Kat Lee to share a deeply compassionate and hopeful perspective on neurodiversity. From the very beginning of their work, Dr. Sheely and Dr. Steven Gutstein have believed that autistic children are not “strange” or “broken”—they are simply children navigating a world that often feels overwhelming. Dr. Sheely emphasizes the power of staying curious, both about our children and ourselves as parents, and how creating a supportive environment can unlock their potential in ways we may not yet see.
As a parent herself, Kat also explores the emotional journey of parents, who are often met with discouraging messages at the start of their autism journey. Dr. Sheely encourages parents to move past fear and grief into a space of hope and possibility, recognizing that their family is not defined by a diagnosis but by the love and connection they share.
If you’ve ever felt unsure about what the future holds for your child, this conversation is a reminder that you are not alone. Growth is always possible, and your child’s story is still unfolding—on their own terms, in their own time, and with your unwavering support and affirmation.
Discover an Affirming Approach
Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or therapist, the RDI® approach offers a hopeful and practical way forward in supporting your autistic child. Your family’s journey is one of possibility, not limitation.
Ready to take the next step? Learn more about the RDI® approach and connect with a certified consultant Find out more about the RDI® approach and connect with a certified consultant here.
Full Transcript
Kat Lee: Welcome back to Autism, A New Perspective, the podcast show where we help you understand what is going on in the mind of your child, and we always encourage you that growth for your child is possible. I’m Kat Lee, and in this week’s podcast, I talk to Dr. Sheely about affirming your diversity. Let’s listen in.
As you know, almost 30 years ago, we’re getting really close to where we entered into this world with our son, and by the time that I met you all over 20 years ago, I have to say, sitting in the room the first time with you and Dr. Gutstein, you are leaders in affirming. I mean, you recognize the intrinsic value of every person. So I know it might be hard to think about something that comes to you so naturally as a person, but can you tell us a little bit about your thinking?
It was always, and is now, something you were, and you may not have thought of yourself as leaders, but I can tell you that you have been.
Dr. Sheely: Well, thank you for that introduction. I feel like when Steve and I began to think about autism, you know, the incidence was one in 10,000, and so the composition of the population was very different from what it is now because it had to be pretty extreme to be diagnosed. However, we were seeing that these were just kids.
These were just kids, and they were confused kids, but they were just kids. They weren’t strange kids. They weren’t odd kids.
They were just kids, and they were trying to figure out how to do the best they could in this world that appeared so chaotic to them. So we began to think that if we decreased the chaotic nature of the world in which they lived, they could reach whatever potential they had, and, you know, we never know anybody’s potential, whether they’re neurodiverse or not. We don’t know until they kind of take off with life and make sense of it.
So we stayed curious. That was the first thing. We didn’t look and try to, or we didn’t try to make a prediction.
We looked and said, okay, what kind of support does this person need to make sense of the world that they’ve been born into? And as for the parents, same thing for the parents. We weren’t looking at the parents and saying, if only these parents, we’re simply looking at the parents, assuming the same thing, staying curious.
These are the parents that are with this child. These are the parents and the child that were meant to be together. How do we stay curious about their unique features as a family, unique features of each parent and the child and the siblings, and provide the support everybody needs to move forward and become independent on their own?
So I think that was the way we were thinking about it, and we managed to stay curious. In fact, I would say we’re managing to stay curious today even about, who are you?
Kat Lee: When you think about the word affirming, it’s actually a pretty special word, and the opposite of affirming is not accepting. It’s trying to, sadly to use the word, but I’ve heard it used to fix something. How did you come to the thinking of, we are affirming the intrinsic value of this person, of these children and adults that we’re seeing?
Dr. Sheely: I think one thing that becomes confusing about that word affirming is sometimes we think if we’re affirming, we have to be positive about everything that’s going on, and we don’t. When we’re affirming someone, we’re affirming their journey. We’re affirming what they are working on to make sense of who they are and what the world is like, and so that’s very different from saying, oh, I love the way, I love the way, I love the way, when actually you’re kind of concerned that somebody shouldn’t be running out into the street.
So that affirming is, what does the structure look like or the support or structure this person needs? What is the very next step that is going to help that person have a better sense of him or herself and who he can become? What’s the potential?
Kat Lee: So while you were talking, I was thinking about our parents. Almost every week, I’m contacted by a new parent or parents about RDI and the work we do with them to help their children, and one of the things I was thinking about is a lot of the parents have recently received what will be called a diagnosis. They took their child or children, in some cases, to someone because they just thought something was up with their children.
Their children were struggling and they wanted help, and where they come out of that meeting with that very well-meaning professional is not with affirmation of their child, but, oh my gosh, what does this mean for my child? And I think about how you have built a program to help parents out of that because as long as they’re stuck in that first meeting and they were told sometimes quite negative things, not affirming things, it’s a little bit of a journey to get them on that path that they need to be on for their child, don’t you think?
Dr. Sheely: I think so. I think one of the things that happened early on when Steve and I first got interested in autism was people would come in and they had been given the diagnosis as if it were a death sentence, and, you know, take out, start the trust fund, this is what you can expect, and we would say to parents, we don’t believe that. We don’t believe that.
We don’t know you and we don’t know your child, but we’re in this together and we’re going to try to figure it out, and better and better. We’re getting at it. We’re getting better and better at figuring these kinds of things out, so we would say to them, you know, we understand.
First of all, we had to really understand where people were coming from, and they were coming from a place of deep grief, of fear, of sorrow, this beautiful child, what’s going to happen? I won’t always be here. Those were the kinds of things that we would be hearing from them, and we would just say, you know what?
This is still the cute little child you had before, and it’s still the child who, you know, puts his arms around you and slobbers when he kisses you. So what we’re going to do is we’re going to try to figure out what’s the trajectory that is going to get everybody into a place where they can enjoy being together. You didn’t have a family to be therapists.
We don’t want you to be therapists. We don’t want you to be an autism family. We understand there’s this thing going on that we have to address, but we’re going to address it in a way that fits with who you are and fits with who your child is.
We would see the family functioning. We would want that family to function as a unit, but we would want each person in the family, including the children who did not have autism, to be just as important and just as important as the child with autism. We also wanted everybody to be authentic with each other.
Kat Lee: I wonder where you think we are today. We’re in 2025. Do you feel like the world is, we can speak of the world, I guess, as far as we can see.
I mean, the world is a big place, but is moving in the right direction in terms of appreciating the intrinsic value and neurodiversity affirmation, do you feel like we are headed in the right direction?
Dr. Sheely: I feel like the adults who would consider themselves as people with autism, I think they’re at the forefront of this. They’re saying, these are the kinds of things that were done to me. Really, they should have never been done to me.
My life’s been more difficult because these things happened to me. We don’t like to think about a child enduring something, but that is the truth. There was this kind of endurance that children were forced to go through.
I think they’ve helped us see the intrinsic value of who they are, what kind of support is helpful, and what kind of support is not helpful. As we move forward, I don’t know about the world, but I can say that having been in a lot of different countries now and talked to a lot of different parents, I feel that when RDI comes into the picture, the whole family is on board as a family to move forward as a family.
Kat Lee: I think that we can say that things have improved. I remember so many times Dr. Gutstein saying that people need to understand that parents are told there’s a small window, which they need to do X, Y, and Z. If they don’t do it, then horrible things are going to be in the future.
I mean, that was true. I can say that as a parent. That is not a mythology.
I sometimes still hear that today from parents coming to me that they have recently been told that. I do think that because of the work you and Dr. Gutstein have done, we are seeing people hope past that. Hopefully, we are not going to continue to hear those messages being given to parents or to young adults about their lives.
Dr. Sheely: Yes, I know. Katherine, if you have any sense at all and you look around you, really, did you stop learning anything at the age of seven? Is that when your learning stopped?
Was I no longer curious after I was seven years of age? We just looked at it and said, that doesn’t make any sense. We are lifelong learners.
We have a lifelong capacity and motivation to take on new things and be competent with things we’ve never heard of or seen before. And a 62-year-old man that I worked with, probably within the first five years, a 62-year-old man, and I just sat there amazed at who he was and where he was coming from and where he was going. He just inspired me.
I’m still inspired when I think about him.
Kat Lee: And thank you for joining us for Autism, a New Perspective, the podcast show where we help you understand what is going on in the mind of your child. And we always encourage you that growth for your child is possible. I’m Kat Lee.
See you next time.
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