This guest blog post was written by RDI® veteran parent Di Maitland. You can read the original here.
The Power of Proactive Pausing
I am all about exposing Nick to different experiences, yet am extremely mindful of my approach. I want to build onto his feelings of competence and thus encourage him to be open to new challenges.
It doesn’t matter to me if our interactions only last for a couple of minutes (or even a few seconds). All those tiny increments of time add up and are extremely beneficial.
Examples of Proactive Pausing
I find ‘pausing’ to be a very powerful tool. The space allows Nick the time to process information and respond should he wish to. Here are few examples from yesterday’s interactions:
- Walking into the grocery store and standing by the trolley bay. I paused and waited. After a few seconds Nick collected a trolley and began to push it.
- Standing by the fruit and making declarative comments. ‘We need a pineapple’. ‘I wonder what apples Nick would like, hmmmm, red, yellow or green?’. After each comment I paused and waited. Nick thought about the comment and responded. At times he needed some extra scaffolding, however, he found the items needed.
- Leaving the mall, Nick pushing the trolley. I hold up the parking ticket and wave it around. Nick notices and immediately changes direction and we go to the information counter so that we can get the ticket validated.
- In the car park, I place the parking ticket into the machine. When the ticket pops out, I pause and wait. Within seconds Nick collects the ticket and gives it to me.
- I pretend that I can’t open the car boot. I pause and wait. Nick has seen me struggling and he uses that pause to come to my aid.
- When we arrive home, I make a declarative comment about taking the groceries inside. Nick gets out of the car and goes to the car boot. I pause. He opens the boot.
- Nick is sitting on the couch with his iPad. I sit down next to him and make the comment, ‘I am making cookies and need to get the ingredients out of the cupboard’. As I walk towards the cupboard, Nick gets up and comes to assist. We seamlessly start up a little pattern of passing items to be put on the countertop.
- Nick has disappeared into another room. I have started measuring out the ingredients for the cookies. I call out, ‘I need some help measuring the flour’. I carry on with what I am doing and after a minute or so, Nick comes to join me.
We have many daily moments like the above, where I deliberately pause in order to invite Nick to play a role. For sure, it would be easier to give him instructions, however, I want him to ‘think, process and respond’. My wish is for him to partner with me because he wants do, not because he has been told to.
0 Comments